Dogs are easier!

I started this post last week. You’ll understand my delay in finishing it as you read on.

My kids are driving me insane and I have 39 orders to fulfill in the next 10.5 days. I’ve taken to using my Grandpa Bowman’s words: “No more icky noises!” Icky noises and fighting are the norm these mornings.

Some friends and family have paid what I believe to be delusional compliments regarding my parenting. I wouldn’t blame them if they changed their minds after seeing me on mornings like today’s. And these mornings are more and more common as the stars mercilessly align to scoot all three kids into extraordinarily challenging stages, simultaneously. It’s…lovely. I would share a photo of me and how I look right now, but…my vanity.

Ah!! The screeching and crying has stopped and I am able to sit down and have 2 consecutive sips of coffee without having to leap back up to put out fires.

Oh, wait. Now Alex is screaming bloody murder, and has torn down the fabric screen door. And while I fixed that, Jacob went and defiantly dumped a bowl of yogurt on the floor. Twins are not the same as having two kids close together. Twins are having two nursing, teething infants at the same time, two incommunicative but needy babies at the same time, two screeching, defiant toddlers throwing 50% of every meal on the floor at the same time, two mischievous kids who know they’re best tactic is to run in opposite ways when an adult approaches. It’s also unbelievable and a daily miracle to witness their lives together. But we’ll get more into that positive perspective later. Allow me to continue my whining (why are you still reading this?)…

A side story for comic relief. One day I thought, “Maybe I can get one load of laundry folded. The kids are playing nicely.” Three shirts in, Julia yelled, “Mommy, you better get down here! The boys are doing something really naughty!”I ran down the stairs to find them standing in the foyer. Alex was flinging a freshly-soaked-in-toilet-water plunger around while Jacob did the same with the wet toilet brush. In those 30 seconds, they also magically unraveled an entire roll of toilet paper around the foyer…also. Soaked. In toilet water. In the words of Ron Burgundy, “I wasn’t even mad. In fact, I was impressed!” Except for the first part of that quote.

It is hard. Parenting is incredibly hard. Remember when I was talking about the struggle to maintain the life balance? Still working on that. I’ll always be struggling in this area. We all will. I have no answers. Just whining. I should probably re-read this blog post to freshen up on what’s worked to motivate me.

I realize that this is a season. This is temporary. A few friends, my sister, and I share a text conversation thread in which we occasionally text each other words of encouragement, inspiration, and humor to get through this season, and to appreciate the blessings amidst the challenges. My friend sent a screenshot of this comment from a WSJ write-up:

Other words of wisdom that struck at me heart: “Happiness is not having what you want, but loving what you have.” This is a quote my customer and new friend just posted on Facebook this morning in reference to appreciating the beautiful blessings she has with her child who has lost the ability to smile, amidst other challenges, due to Spinal Muscular Atrophy (follow their story: #TristanHasSuperPowers):

Another friend shared this article with a group of our mom friends. I found it incredibly raw and powerful for the postpartum mom, but it has take-aways for everyone in terms of mental health.

And lastly, my baby sister, wise beyond her years, texted me this yesterday that might apply to you, too:

Everybody has their own struggles; I can only accurately speak to my own. Children are an unbelievable and irreplaceable blessing. When people comment every time I’m out in public, “You’ve got your hands full!”, I reply, “Happy hands’ full!” And then they see me sternly reprimand one of the kids for eating chewed-up gum off the shopping cart. They probably think, “That’s happy?” Yes, it is. It’s not the temporary, fleeting happiness one gets from eating a piece of cake (see how I referenced something having to do with my business?). It’s not the happiness one gets from relaxing with a glass of wine (oh, but I do love that). It is a deeper joy, a daily choice and awareness that you are doing something big, shaping human beings whom you love…despite them throwing 50% of every meal on the floor. And it doesn’t mean I’m smiling constantly, clueless of the challenges and–yes, I’ll say it–suffering involved.

Last weekend my husband and I took our kids on a rare outing to eat at a restaurant. We were wrangling our kids to sit down in their seats to eat in the pleasant outside air in front of the restaurant when a woman walking her dog passed by. Without looking at us, she shouted,

“Dogs are easier!”

I’ve gotten enough harassment from people about having 3 kids, so I responded with a smile, “Thanks! We prefer this.” This is our particular calling right now. She laughed and yelled again as she crossed the street, “Dogs are easier!”, to which I replied, “I don’t doubt it!” I’m not sure at what point it became socially acceptable to chastise total strangers with children. Anyway, my point: Of COURSE having kids is incredibly difficult, humbling, etc. That doesn’t deprave parenthood–or any calling, for that matter–of fulfillment, worth, and even happiness. And yes, there are moments of unfathomable wonder and joy at witnessing their lives. But my purpose for having children is not about me! It’s not about my struggles or even my joys. It’s about them! It’s about forming and shaping human beings; this is my job as a parent at this stage in my life. Of course it’s going to involve sacrifice. Everything worthwhile does! And to clarify, the fact that our reasons for having kids are not about us does not negate the need for self-care along the way. I wouldn’t survive without the wisdom of self-care, as well as taking a minute to remind my perspective that I will miss all this one day–even the struggles. My point is that my motivation for having kids is not for my own end. It’s for theirs. And again, others have different callings that require sacrifice and daily challenges (and joys).

Vanessa also has on her Facebook banner:

The challenges are worthwhile. The results will be immeasurable. This is a refreshing reminder.

So I offer you who feel like you can’t catch a parenting break (or breath) with the words of encouragement of my family and friends, and these photos.

Ok, I admit. All of this is actually my own attempt to self-sooth.

Congrats! You’ve reached the end and have earned 10% off one item between October 8th and the end of the year (sorry, I’m booked prior to then)! Simply write in the comments of your order: “Dogs Are Easier discount.” Warning: I cannot guarantee availability, as the holidays are already causing my slots to fill up. Be sure to book your sweets soon!

~Miss Whisk